Tuesday, April 24, 2007

Mike Huckabee--Authentic Crook

I just watched the rerun of last night's Colbert Report, and was treated to the spectacle of Colbert lobbing softballs at Mike Huckabee, the former governor of Arkansas and current Republican presidential hopeful. Colbert led with a montage of clips showing Huckabee saying the word "authentic" over and over again. In the interview, Huckabee explained his concept of authenticity: "It's like an apple. If you cut into the apple, and it's an apple all the way to the core, that's authentic. If you cut into it and it turns out that it's plastic fruit, there's no nourishment there."

Huckabee then launched into an attack on Mitt Romney, the message being that Huckabee is an "authentic conservative," unlike Romney, who doesn't really hunt, isn't really pro-life, and presided over a state where--gasp!--homos can get married!

Colbert wasn't taking Huckabee all too seriously; he made fun of Huckabee's standing in the polls ("trailing Duncan Hunter, Sam Brownback, and six guys named Thompson"). But Huckabee's been making inroads; he scored some points in South Carolina over the weekend, and made a big splash last week in the press by calling for Attorney General Gonzalez to resign. Huckabee's become sort of a media darling--besides Colbert, he's appeared on The Daily Show, Real Time with Bill Maher, and was a frequent guest on Imus. Of course he's appeared on all the Sunday morning political shows.

This has to be nipped in the bud, right now. So, let's talk about authenticity. Huckabee is a Baptist minister; as such, you might expect him to be an authentic man of peace (you know, like Jesus). Quite the contrary. Huckabee is a fanatic supporter of the war in Iraq (watch here as he paints the war in Iraq as a "struggle for existence."). He authentically believes that Armageddon is coming and that Israel must be defended at all costs. He also is a big proponent of the death penalty, with sixteen executions occurring while he was in office, including a triple header--three in one day! Is he an authentic Christian? I'll let you decide.

Huckabee's apple metaphor is more than apt, as long as you consider the apple to be rotten. Huckabee was the most corrupt governor Arkansas has had in recent memory. He accepted hundreds of thousands of dollars worth of gifts from supporters, used state aircraft for personal trips, stole furniture from the governor's mansion, and ignored admonishments from the state Ethics Commission. Besides being a crook, Huckabee was a constant embarrassment to the state. He referred to conservationists as "environmental wackos," called Arkansas a "banana republic" on the Imus show, and lived in a triple-wide mobile home on the Governor's Mansion grounds while the residence was being rennovated. His son once tortured a dog to death, with no reprisals. (Read a summary of Huckabee's tenure as Arkansas governor here.)

One would hope that the press would begin giving Huckabee a closer look, particularly if his campaign begins to pick up steam. He despises such scrutiny, frequently lashing out at the press if they dare to question his integrity or to demand accountability. His thin skin will ensure that he is unable to survive as a viable candidate; the sooner that Huckabee is exposed, the better off the country will be.


hugh mann said...

You should most definitely keep up the good work, Archaeopteryx.

Archaeopteryx said...

Thanks, Hugh!

Anonymous said...

keep kicking huck's butt. zonker

Archaeopteryx said...

Thanks, Zonk. This blog won't be about Huck much, though--I don't really have the stomach for that.

Moose and Squirrel said...

"Thin skin"? Well, that will never do in the White House. What we need after George Bush is a brass-knuckle kind of guy. No ifs, ands, or buts.

Dan Brown said...

Seems to me as if you are just anti-Huckabee because he is Christian. Nice try with all of your allegations...but where is the proof?

Your anti-Christian and anti-War. Fine...but does that mean you need to run this man's name through the mud?

And why hasn't the mainstream press run with any of these 'allegations'? Am I to believe you over trusted media sources?

I get it, you must be a member of Hillary Clinton's dirty tricks team.

Archaeopteryx said...

Hi, Dcoltonbrown. I think you mean "you're anti-Christian." And, yes, if Huckabee is what passes for Christian, than you can consider me anti-Christian. I believe if you follow the links in the story, you'll find some media reporting on Huckabee's crookedness. I suggest you check out the Arkansas Times website, too.

Aaron said...

"And why hasn't the mainstream press run with any of these 'allegations'? Am I to believe you over trusted media sources?"

NPR ran a story on the allegations concerning Huckabee's tenure as Arkansas governor. They also pointed out an interesting phenomenon - local reporters often have a very different view of public figures, than do the national media, as they tend to have a much more detailed and nuanced view. Rudy Guliani benefited from the same effect, with the New York City media establishment having a much lower opinion of the former mayor than the national media. From what I understand, the same can also be said of President Bush - Texans have a very different understanding of him than the nation as a whole, and most of his time as governor was never part of the national media coverage.

The national media, in general, doesn't go into exhaustive detail about the candidates' pre-candidate lives. This has worked for some candidates, and against others.

Taking the tack of "if it actually happened, it would have been on CNN," isn't a very good outlook. The country's too big for that.

Unknown said...


'You're' would be a contraction for 'you are'. Thanks for playing. Perhaps you should revert back to your corner in fear of Christians.

Archaeopteryx said...

Hi, Joey.

I think it's pretty clear that what dcoltonbrown meant was "you're anti-Christian." "Your anti-Christian" would make his post make even less sense. But thank you for playing.

And, if Huckabee is an example of what you mean by "Christian," then yes, if he is elected president, I fear for my country, and the world.