Thursday, February 22, 2007

University of Rhode Island Flight School

Inspired by the true story of Dr. Marcus R. Ross.

"So, Mr. Archaeopteryx, you wish to fly a jet for United Airlines?"


"And you have your pilot’s license?"

"Yes. I received my license from the University of Rhode Island Flight School. I fulfilled all the requirements and have flown the requisite number of hours in simulators and in real jets."

"Okay. You won’t mind if I ask you a question or two about the physics of flight, just to make sure you’re up to speed."

"Of course."

"Okay. Explain how Bernoulli’s principle relates to flight."

"Oh, I don’t think Bernoulli’s principle has anything to do with flight."


"No. Jets fly because angels grab their wings and propel them through the air."


"Yeah. It’s the will of the Lord that planes can move through the air, and he sends angels to make sure that that happens."

"But….you got your license from the University of Rhode Island Flight School. Didn’t they make you learn about Bernoulli’s principle?"

"I didn’t just learn about it. I wrote my flight school dissertation about it."

"But you don’t believe it?"

"Of course not."

"And they gave you your pilot’s license?"

"Of course. They said that aeronautics was a ‘belief system,’ and that no one should be denied a pilot’s license just because they didn’t believe in aeronautics. I’m a good pilot. My teachers said so."

"Why would you become a pilot if you don’t believe in aeronautics?"

"The idea is to fly planes around, all the while trying to prove the existence of angels that lift the airplanes. I’ll give speeches to people who don’t believe in aeronautics or fluid mechanics. I’ll use my pilot’s license to give creedence to my opinions. If you don’t give me this job, I’ll claim that you’re disrespecting my religion, and liberal thought in general. I’m going to use your open mind and sense of fair play against you. I’m going to use my license to undermine the airline industry and aviation, as well as aeronautical engineering in general."

"Okay. Welcome aboard!"


TenaciousK said...


So, do I get to take a little credit here? A little nudge: a little impelling force, providing just enough impetus to teeter you over the edge?

I believe I'll enjoy this moment of smug self-satisfaction, as I have another chuckle over your post.

Welcome to the thin air, Arch.

Archaeopteryx said...

There's a very thin line between credit and blame, TK.

TenaciousK said...

PS. You're going to get a lot of hits for the term "transitional fossil", which is something you could have fun with, if you're inclined.

In order to fully enjoy the peculiar banality of google referrals, however, you're going to have to get a sitemeter.

Keifus said...

All right buddy, you're on the list! Welcome to the dark side (or whatever this is, exactly).

mdvdmf: mondays at Valdemort's

Archaeopteryx said...

K: I'm not sure what it is, either. But thanks for the welcome.